Conflict is part of the human experience. We have conflict with other people, conflicting emotions about ideas and principles and often find ourselves in conflict with ourselves. Sometimes, we just “feel” conflicted- as if something is just not right. We don’t know what to do and we aren’t sure why or what changed we just feel….. off. Conflicted.
When I struggle with inner conflict I often feel a need to go inward. I will hide out. I spend time trying to figure out the root cause and I try to fix it. Often, though, I try to fix it before I do enough work or research. I am a doer and not DOING anything makes me insane. Unfortunately, just DOING something isn’t always the answer or the best way to find clarity. Don’t get me wrong- sometimes taking immediate and specific action is EXACTLY the thing to do- especially when you know and fully understand the root cause of your inner conflict. But when you aren’t quite sure- it’s really important to take time and figure it out. This is not the time to make sudden and drastic changes.
Lately, I have been struggling with inner conflict. I don’t know what triggered it, exactly, and if I’m being honest I know it’s been brewing for quite a while so the conflict has been there, and what was at first just a sense of “off-ness” is now suddenly an overwhelming feeling of conflict and inner struggle. I almost decided to completely walk away from this aspect- the tarot aspect- of my coaching business as a result. And while making a decision felt GOOD in the moment, it didn’t solve the feeling of conflict- that this wasn’t QUITE the right move. Since making this decision I have had two people specifically tell me that this was not the right decision. While both respected my choice they questioned its appropriateness. One woman was my last full reading client, and the other a woman is someone with whom I have become friends but who I met through a reading I had done for her that prompted her to grab her dream and fly. Both of these women had compelling reasons why I shouldn’t just quit on this and both wondering if I had completely thought this through.
As if this wasn’t enough, I then decided that I needed to go back to a regular job. I’m struggling with the business end of things here and I feel like I am failing. It scares me that I will never have enough clients to make this work financially. Because I cannot accept not DOING anything I decided to go back to my old job- which I loved- but is no longer meant for me. Again, in the moment, having made the decision I felt great- I would FINALLY be bringing in a regular income again. I would KNOW what to expect every day. I absolutely could not fail because I am DAMN good at helping kids with special needs and I am NEEDED. I wouldn’t have to feel like I’m failing my husband for not bringing in consistent income. This is a BIG trigger for me. The idea that I am failing my husband in some financial way. I carry tremendous guilt that he works in a dangerous job and is the primary and, lately, sole breadwinner. I wasn’t even going to talk to him about it I was so determined to act.
But I DID talk to him after all. I had to. Within an hour of making the decision, I was sick to my stomach. Truly sick. I felt even LESS peace and MORE conflict. I needed to bounce this decision off of someone so I went to him. After all, to suddenly go from being home every day and available for family, clients and business, to NOT being home every day and very unavailable for those things, would be a big and noticeable thing. And while it would be nice to have that consistent income from a job I am really good at, it doesn’t pay enough and would eat up a significant portion of my time as well as my emotional and physical resources. Is it really worth it? And again, have I hit a root cause of this feeling?
This is not really the place to go into detail about what the root cause is. I have blocks, bad habits and unfortunate patterns just like everyone. It’s why I became a life coach. It’s why I READ tarot in the first place. One day, I will write about these root causes, my journey, and hopefully my peace. But for now, I will end this here- I’m not going to make any drastic moves. I’m not going to make any sudden changes. Instead, I will continue to do readings and since I need to take action I decided to offer a mutually beneficial sale- the “Time of Conflict” sale! This is the full 12 card reading with a thirteenth Archetype card that is normally $100 for in person and $110 for Zoom or long distance. I am offering this huge reading for only $80. I am also going to throw in a Ritual Intentions Oil Roller as a gift. Click HERE to purchase this reading or email me at [email protected] for any questions you may have.
I’m taking action- a small, reasonable, positive action, but I’m not making any drastic, emotionally driven changes. I do readings as part of coaching. To quit would be to cut off a relevant and impactful part of how I help people. If you’re in conflict, Contact Me today. Let’s talk. I know EXACTLY how you feel.