Good morning everyone! I hope you’re ready for a kick ass Tuesday. Autumn is most definitely in the air up here and though I love summer and it breaks my heart to say goodbye, I DO love the soft chill of an amber autumn afternoon, cozy sweatshirts, and bonfires. I mean, it’s hard NOT to love those things. You can feel the wheel turning… the energy is changing and it’s beckoning to us. It’s time to go with the flow and begin the process of letting go.
I think a lot about that process. My mind automatically goes to shadow work and I am a big proponent of shadow work and I have a shadow work plan in the works for the new year! I have come to some conclusions about who I am and where I am in my life and some are wonderful and some are not so wonderful. It’s time to let go of the people, things and ways of thinking that have contributed to some of my not so wonderful cycles. I’m talking reflexive, as opposed to reflective thinking, that does me more harm than good, and then figuring out how to pivot away from those habits before they get the best of me, especially now that I know what they are.
I don’t have the best self esteem. My self confidence fluctuates… I struggle with feelings of abandonment, feeling ugly and fat, needing to be acknowledged and reassured that I have value, and the feeling that I am not worthy of love. I am pretty sure that we all struggle with some, if not all, of those things and it makes me sad, to be honest. I don’t like feeling needy and reliant on the opinion of others but it’s so hard to let those feelings go when I look in the mirror and see someone I don’t recognize. At some point though, I realized that though I miss the body and skin from that person in the photo from ten and twenty years ago- I am no longer that person and it is time to release the negative feelings that overwhelm me when I try to compare them. Yes, I am the same person but time and experience have changed me in some ways; my body no longer responds the way it used to because of the natural progression of age, so it is time to forgive, release, and embrace. This is as good a time of year as any to begin that process.
This process, though, isn’t a one and done, or a single cycle process. It is a life commitment. Self love takes time and even when we reach an understanding it requires being attentive to what makes us feel, be and live our best possible lives. It’s about taking one step at a time and never stopping.
Today, I decided to change it up a bit. I did my nails and out on a bit of makeup. This may not be something that boosts you, but for me- this is a HUGE departure from my daily routine and a positive if I don’t become too self critical. And if I’m honest- it’s exciting. I am 43 years old, I have roseacea and a hypoactive thyroid. My body is changed and I may never lose the weight I’d like to lose or have the clear skin I wish I had. I have to be grateful for the body and skin I have and love it despite it’s flaws. In essence, I can dislike the flaws but still love my body and my spirit.
Today I took a selfie which takes me right outside of my comfort zone (I hate that word and I hate pictures of myself) and I am posting it as a declaration that I am beginning to work on loving who I am and what I look like. I know it will not be an easy process and there will be moments of despair along the way. I will not give up. When I love myself, truly and wholely, it is that much easier to give love to others. I don’t want negativity to infect my life and today is as good a day as any to start.
I am not perfect but I am kind and I love with every thing I have. This may not be enough for some people but it is what I have to offer the world. I am a work in progress but I will never again give up on myself. I will work on cutting cords and relationships with people who harm me and my state of mind, and nourish those who enrich my life instead. I will work consciously and steadfastly to stop cycles of behavior and thinking that damage me so that I can be free of the chains of my own making. I am enough. I am worth it.
Post a photo of your beautiful faces below or on Facebook… and join me on the journey. Have a great day!!
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