….. stop giving them power over your present so that you can have a happy future. You deserve better. This post is in response to a new friend who reached out to me today with a powerful question. She asked me, “how do we build our self confidence and stop listening to the voices of our past that always tell us we’re not good enough?” WOW. I was working when I got the message and I immediately wanted to go into a private space and help her find an answer but I only had a moment to quickly text her back that I would respond in more detail later. This is for her…. and also anyone else who feels the exact same way.
I wish I had a magic answer that would make it all better right now. But I do know, that with some hard work and effort- you CAN leave those voices in the past where they belong. You can build your self esteem. You do have power over how confident you can be in your own skin. It is easy to give in to the negative. It is easy to quit on ourselves. What isn’t easy is forgiving- others OR ourselves. Resentment and unforgiveness lead to a very painful existence. We see ourselves as ugly, unworthy, unlovable. The Nine of Swords as rendered by Kim Krans in the Wild Unknown Tarot always comes to mind because when I do readings for women it appears about 7 out of 10 times. This card, for me, is about how they see themselves… the lie they tell themselves that convinces them they are ugly, and unworthy. Remarkable how we see ourselves and even more remarkable is how tightly we hold on to the toxic words, people, and experiences that seemingly lend credibility to our negative self talk and allow us to look at ourselves in such a terrible light. This often long after those people and their words, and those experiences are years behind us.
The woman who asked the question is a beautiful woman with a kind heart. It didn’t take me long to determine that about her. Such a woman should never have to ask this question yet here we are. I believe there is a way to defeat these voices that cause us to see ourselves so poorly but it will take a lot of work and determination. It is so easy to fall into negative self talk. The lie makes it seem so natural to hate ourselves and those gremlins haunt us relentlessly until all we see is the ugliness pictured in the card. It is trauma, resentment, anger, hurt, pain…. all so easy to hold on to. It is really nuts when you think about it. Why is it is hard to forgive? I don’t know. I only know that forgiveness is the key, it’s the process, and the solution. Forgiveness paired with gratefulness. But forgiveness, man, well, it can seem impossible to forgive the people that hurt us- mothers and fathers, in laws, spouses, people we thought we could trust, friends who turned into enemies… it’s HARD to forgive them. But what’s harder still is forgiving ourselves both for the things we have done and for allowing these people the power they have over us- even when they are no longer present in our lives.
I strongly believe that we are ultimately responsible for two things- our happiness and our misery. Being happy, when coming from a place of trauma, can be difficult. But I believe in the work and I believe in forgiveness. I believe in the act of choosing forgiveness, grace, and ultimately love. Hell, there are people I have to forgive every damn day in order to release the voices that tell me I’m not worthy. Some days are harder than others. And forgiving myself can seem impossible sometimes, but I believe in the power of forgiveness and because of that, I also believe that I deserve better. So do you.
If you are struggling with this- this video is not only for my new friend but also for you. Please feel free to reach out any time… You aren’t alone and you definitely deserve better than you are allowing for yourself. I can help support you as you navigate this journey but you have to be the one to take action.
Click on the link below for a message about this topic. I realize that my posts aren’t polished and perhaps they should be but this is me, just as I am, meeting you exactly where you are. Forgive my appearance, any weird noises, and all of my unpolished-ness! To me, in the end, it’s just important to me that you know that I am rooting for you.
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