Good morning! I hope that you have been having a good Friday and that your weekend brings you rest, fun, and peace. This post is coming much later than normal because of a change in my schedule today! Sorry about that!!
Wherever you are I hope the weather is nice enough to go outside and enjoy. I am excited to participate in an event tomorrow, so if you are local and want a reading in an amazing environment then please send me a message! There will be some great people doing various different things so it will be a truly holistic experience for you!!
This morning I chose Surrender Resentments. What is resentment? Merriam-Webster defines resentment as “a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury” (Merriam-Webster, 2021). However, it is these persistent feelings of ill will toward someone, the emotional fallout of a perceived wrong or injury, that makes this feeling become a monster to defeat over time. Often, resentment is rooted in hurt feelings, and sometimes, at least at first, it is easier to bury the hurt, nurturing anger instead, rendering the hurt unresolved. I think that most of us have had to deal with resentment, resolved some, and still hold on to others. Some of us have a really hard time working out our feelings of resentment, especially with certain people.
Over time, as these unresolved feelings take root, they slowly begin to poison us. This poison pumps its way through our veins, killing our ability to forgive and move forward. Sometimes, our bodies react physically to the poison, making us ill when we think about the person, people or situations that have caused us such distress. When resentment makes a home within our heart, it bleeds into our other relationships and we find ourselves in cycles of resentment with other people in our lives and this can make it very difficult to maintain many, if any, positive relationships. We become accustomed to holding onto the anger because, even after it changes us and turns us into a negative version of ourselves, it still seems to feel better to be angry with than to deal with the core hurt, pain and sadness -the root of it all. Bitterness, resentment’s twin sister, is a pill whose flavor never leaves our tongue. The bite of bitterness influences our words and actions, and often leaves us lonely as people start to drift away from us. Isolation comes at a high price but resentment and bitterness convince us that loneliness is better… better than trusting again, better than loving again, better than being vulnerable, better than being abandoned, better than being hurt again, better than forgiving.
Most resentments start small but it never takes long before it is evident in every move we make and every relationship we have. Maybe we find other people who are just as bitter and angry as we feel. I know I have been in a couple of situations over the years where I allowed resentment to root and bitterness to blossom only to find myself with one or two other miserable people. I remember thinking to myself, “I hate spending time with her (or him). Why do I bother?” It took a long, honest look in the mirror, it took me seeing other people respond to me when I started spewing my bitterness, to realize, “Oh shit. I’m no better.” I had to deal with my resentment before I pushed everything and everyone who ever cared about me away. But I tell you- it takes work.
I have talked about this before but forgiveness really is a cure all. It can be so hard to embrace and it is an action that must be repeated over and over again. In order to dig out the roots of resentment and its bitter-fruited tree, we have to accept people for who they are and what they’ve done. This is difficult but remember- we are all human… So. Very. Human. And our humanness makes us all prone to being just terrible sometimes. I like to believe that most of us are sorry for our wrongdoings but not everyone is. To be honest, in many cases we don’t even recognize when we have done something or said something hurtful. Communication is a funny thing and perception is the devil. If you can talk to the person or people who have caused you such pain, let them know what they’ve done or said that made you feel so bad. A couple of things may happen- they may feel terrible that they hurt you and apologize, or express surprise because they never even realized that their actions caused you pain. Both can be instrumental to finding peace, rooting out resentment and finally forgiving. Often, though, we simply can’t talk to those people. Don’t add to your struggle by feeling guilty about that. In my experience, there is usually no official “resolution,” no apology.This is the hardest thing. This is where you have to actively forgive someone who either can’t or won’t apologize. You have to forgive them anyway… sometimes every minute, every hour, every day, every month… you may have to actively forgive for the rest of your life. The thing about forgiveness is that it doesn’t absolve them. Forgiveness frees you from the poison. It offers a fresh start. It allows you to feel the pain so that one day you may release it so you can move forward.
It will be worth it in the long run because surrendering your resentments ultimately leads to surrendering to joy.
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