The Ten of Swords, pulled from the Wild Unknown Tarot by Kim Krans, is a card that represents lost hope, ruin and the feeling that you have reached rock bottom (Krans, 2016). When this card comes up in your reading it can indicate that you have allowed yourself to succumb to martyrdom after having allowed people to walk all over your feelings for too long. That being said, there is an element to this card that could indicate that you have become so comfortable living like this that you struggle moving forward and cannot break the cycle. Or can you? Could it be that you may, on some subconscious level, thrive on the drama that plays over and over again in relationships in your life, thereby choosing a victim emotional state? If this resonates, and especially if you rebel against the very thought, it’s important to look at your reaction carefully, and without emotion that clouds clarity.
I have felt like this card and I know the pain that comes with it but Ten of Swords also forced me to recognize my own participation in the cycle that recreates the situations that cause these feelings over and over, and to decide if this is really who I am and what I want. This card is telling you, like it has told me (countless times, unfortunately, it seems like I don’t always learn, either), that it is time to break the cycle. Easier said than done, I know, but worth the consideration. The text for the deck asks you to consider the possibility that you love the backstabbing, pain, and “drama too much to mover forward without it,” and then is asks you to consider what would you focus on if you DIDN’T focus on the backstabbing, pain, and drama (Krans, 2016). Consider that for minute and really respond, not react, to the idea. You might just find that you are going to be able to rise above it all after all and be better for it. The heavy cloak of victimhood is heavy and martyrdom is no fun and altogether tiresome.
I haven’t written anything since last Saturday and that was when I posted about the event I was doing that day. Afterward, and throughout this whole week, I have found myself in exactly this position. I WAS the Ten of Swords. Again. Dammit. And it felt so TERRIBLY, COMFORTABLY, AWFUL, that I don’t know how long I would have reveled in the toxicity of my self inflicted victimhood. In fact, I chose this card to write about the other day in response to those feelings, but now that I think about it, the card chose me because I could not get the image out of my head for days. It called to me in a profound and relentless way. The blog I wrote became a testimony to my own dismal determination to focus on the drama while I continued to choose to drown in my cherished and hated role of victim. The words I wrote were bitter, angry, and full of self righteous vitriol, each phrase enhancing the self portrait I was painting of a drama addict, a devastated and broken martyr, a down trodden and sad victim. I posted it for about half a second before I took it down. I’m glad I did because I didn’t like how it settled in my gut, how those words seemed to cast a darker shadow on my soul. I needed to look into those unsettled feelings, take a good at myself, really consider my circumstances, and pray about the message this card had for me and for anyone else caught in a similar cycle. Ten of Swords called to me for a reason. It gave me an opportunity to see my own revelry in dysfunction and face a hard truth. It was not pleasant but it was truth…. and I do not want it to continue to be. And so it is and so it shall be.
It’s time to figure out what we should really be focusing on when we feel shit upon. I know that sometimes people are total shitbirds. They humiliate us, they bring us down, they say mean things. This card does not discount the effect their words and actions have on our feelings and it doesn’t absolve them of their shitbird behavior. This card is just reminding you, me, us, that THEIR behavior doesn’t justify relegating ourselves to eternal victimhood and martyrdom. This card helped me see that I had to refocus and, to be honest, get over myself. It’s time, my friend, to get over yourself. You don’t have to be a victim and you don’t have to continue the dramatic cycle…. unless, of course, you’re happy in the role.
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